How to Stop Overthinking in a Relationship

(Last Updated On: July 28, 2017)


Overthinking in general does not sound so bad, right? You are thinking about a certain situation and trying to find a solution for it. But overthinking in a relationship can be very dangerous, especially in the long run. People who tend to overthink things are lead by one emotion, fear.

Overthinking makes your judgments cloudy and your stress elevates in no time. So the best thing you can do here is to find a balance and avoid all that negativity.

Overthinking in a relationship

Overthinking is a very common thing with not only new couples but with couples that know each other very well. One thing is for sure and that is that nothing good comes from overthinking everything. If you think that you belong to this group of ‘overthinkers’ then it is a high time you take some action in order to have a lovely harmonius relationship with your partner.

Steps to take to stop overthinking

Have some free time – If you are a part of a couple that does not mean that you two have to do everything together. Thinking about another person too much can only lead to an unhealthy obsession which will result with jealousy and in some cases even depression. Losing yourself can only cause your relationship to deteriorate quicky, and I suppose you do not want that. Do something that makes you happy outside of your relationship and you will see the difference.

Stop yourself – When you get that overwhelming feeling and your mind is surrounded with negative feelings just sit down and breathe deeply. Remind yourself that your thoughts are unjustified and they will be gone soon. Ask yourself why you have these thoughts and what triggered them. If the answer is no, than you are just adding too much thought to something that is not even important.

Find a distraction – If you find yourself thinking too much about something and you are aware that it is not important then you should find something to do that will distract you from your thoughts. You can do whatever works for you. Listen to some music, dance or go to the movies, or you can do what I always do, clean. Some might not like my method though.

Think of what can go right – Overthinking always has a negative outcome. Instead of thinking what can go wrong, for a change think about what can go right. Visualize something good and keep that thought present and up front.

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Talk to your partner – The best method to stop overthinking in a relationship, no doubt, is to talk with your partner. If you believe that your partner is the reason you feel this way then it is really helpful if you let them know. You can talk and eventually you might realize that your poisonous thoughts were simply there for no good reason. After all communication is the key to a healthy relationship.

overthinking in a relationship

Elena

Author: Elena

Freelancer, blogger and a world citizen.

68 Comments

  1. Globacreator

    April 29, 2017 at 4:22 am

    Your comments about overthinking seem to apply to life in general. Often you could replace work, career, finances, and travel in there.

  2. Samantha Donnelly

    April 29, 2017 at 8:55 am

    I used to be a terrible overthinker (is that a word), and it would drive me mad, mine was due to insecurities, I have learnt to not let it rule my life and to think more rationally x

  3. Apostolia

    April 29, 2017 at 1:18 pm

    Sometimes I’m an overthinker too, it drives me crazy.. All those scenarios in my head are just… uh… Your piece of advice is really good. I think I will try to apply most of them.. But it’s hard and you have to keep fighting all the time with yourself… Hope I will see some results

  4. Erica

    April 29, 2017 at 3:00 pm

    This article was right on time! I’m in the car with my spouse and read it aloud to him because we were just talking about this. Loved the article. Thanks for the tips!

  5. Mal @ intothecity.me

    April 30, 2017 at 12:29 am

    I think this spans from the difficulty most people have with talking about their emotions. If you can’t talk about it, you will most likely not be able to convey your feelings and hence fix them in the relationship if needed. A true relationship is bassed on communication, whether we like it or not and sometimes these uneasy conversations are neccessary.

  6. bel

    April 30, 2017 at 12:20 pm

    I worry when people over think and then I get nervous and start fidgeting and then they think I’m hiding something and then they over think some more. It’s a beautiful cycle.

  7. Brian

    April 30, 2017 at 2:52 pm

    As someone who has a tendency to overthink things in general, I appreciated this piece. The find a distraction tip stood out the most.

  8. Elena Nemets

    April 30, 2017 at 4:02 pm

    I think you are up to the point. Most reasons and motivations are simple, if we are overthinking them, we are getting to wrong conclusions.

  9. Ravi

    April 30, 2017 at 5:00 pm

    Negativity can lead to thinking too many unreal things. Best is to stay positive and communicate.

  10. Marilyn - Social Butterfly

    May 1, 2017 at 12:39 am

    I think this applies to everything in life lol! Especially these days where we have so much instant access to anyone in the world, because of social media.

  11. Ali Rost

    May 1, 2017 at 1:28 am

    I used to be a huge over thinker. Looking back I’m so glad I changed and simply decided to let things be however they are. It saved me from lots of late nights worrying about things I couldn’t change anyway

  12. Noblandmakeup

    May 1, 2017 at 6:01 am

    I think sometimes we can’t help but over think things. We should just learn to take somethings at face value. Not everything that happens has alterior motives.

  13. Elizabeth O.

    May 1, 2017 at 6:23 am

    Overthinking anything never helps. It’s a little toxic, if you ask me. It’s important to teach yourself to learn to live in the moment and try to not always be one step ahead, especially in relationship.

  14. Karen Jolly

    May 1, 2017 at 9:25 am

    You’re right!We should clear up things by asking question to the concerned person, or else this makes us to overthink that somehow could turned us paranoid too.

  15. kathryn Maher

    May 2, 2017 at 9:25 am

    Funny I just accused someone close to me last night of being the worst “Overthinker I know” he denied it of course. We are all guilty of “Overthinking” at some stage of our lives and unfortunately it can have very negative effects on the mind and even also the body. When it gets inside your mind best thing I find is to grab the dogs lead (And the dog Ha HAa”) and head out the door and excerise.

  16. Natalie Dickinson

    May 10, 2017 at 3:54 pm

    I used to be a real over-thinker! I then realised that I wasn’t doing anyone any favours, took time out of the situation and tried to chill out about it! It went along with being a little too hot-headed – both have now calmed down as I’ve gotten older.

  17. Chastity

    May 10, 2017 at 4:12 pm

    This post needs to be shared and RT so many times. The rapid thoughts of our minds really damages us in the long term, the constant worrying and racing thoughts. Thanks for talking about a issue that will all can relate to.

  18. Moipone

    May 10, 2017 at 7:09 pm

    I am an overthinker in every expect of my life. I could, should and would’ve. It a vicious cycle.

  19. Haley Marie

    May 10, 2017 at 9:33 pm

    I’m in an LDR in college AND I have clinical anxiety so I can totally relate to overthinking in a relationship! I will definitely have to follow these tips next time my thinking starts to go south.

  20. nida

    May 10, 2017 at 11:24 pm

    for me Overthinking is a biggest disaster in my relation and these are very good tips to over come overthinking.

  21. Cori @ Sweet Coralice

    May 11, 2017 at 3:27 am

    Those are some good points to keep in mind. I especially liked the one about distracting yourself by cleaning lol. That’s what I always do. It’s what I tell my kids to do when they overthink things too. It’s really a great way to destress! Great post 😌

  22. SHALINI BAISIWALA

    May 11, 2017 at 3:47 pm

    Overthinnking kills a lot of stuff, not just relationships! It leads to build unwarranted worries and stress too!!

  23. Courtney CJ

    May 11, 2017 at 4:49 pm

    My personality type is a natural overthinker but thankfully I do not act / speak out on those thoughts all the time. At the same time, my bf can read when something is on my mind. It’s terrible! lol We have improved our communication a lot and it’s still relatively new and we both had been single for the last 2 years. Thanks for the reminder.

  24. Nadalie

    May 11, 2017 at 7:13 pm

    Overthinking, in general, can be the downer for any situation. I think it’s connected to a lack of self-confidence and is driven by our fears for sure.

  25. Working Mum

    May 11, 2017 at 9:25 pm

    You make useful point relevant to all aspects of life. I am sure we can all benefit from living in the present a little more instead of worrying about the what-ifs. Good to keep busy and distracted then communicate exactly as you recommend!

  26. CourtneyLynne

    May 12, 2017 at 2:05 am

    Ahhhh this was me many years ago!! Younger me definitely over thought everything when it came to my relationships

  27. Shaina

    May 13, 2017 at 6:51 am

    Good blog! I really love how it is easy on my eyes and the data are well written. I am wondering how I might be notified when a new post has been made. I have subscribed to your RSS feed which must do the trick! Have a great day!

  28. robin rue

    May 17, 2017 at 11:24 am

    These are all good points. I love my husband, but I definitely know that I need some space from him sometimes. It is important to be my own person.

  29. Stephanie | Adventures in Aussieland

    May 17, 2017 at 12:07 pm

    I’m fairly certain I’m still overthinking things I did in kindergarten lol. Great point that can be used in many facets of life. I think the most important is speaking with your partner. That normally can alleviate most stress and overthinking.

  30. Susan Mary Malone

    May 17, 2017 at 1:42 pm

    Overthinking is such a biggie in relationships, especially with women! And most of the time, we get it wrong 🙂 These are great tips to reframe your mind when you start to fall into that trap.

  31. Divya

    May 17, 2017 at 1:49 pm

    Communication is crucial. The reason I ended up marrying my husband is because he has helped me realize that they key to solving problems is to talk it out. That’s exactly why my previous relationships weren’t successful.

  32. Jaime

    May 17, 2017 at 1:51 pm

    I’ve been married almost 10 years, and I think communication is key. We still have to work at open discussion, but it’s what keeps our relationship healthy!

  33. Jen | My Healthy Homemade Life

    May 17, 2017 at 4:49 pm

    I really like your tip for spending some time apart. I found that really helps!

  34. Lisa

    May 17, 2017 at 5:19 pm

    Overthinking can really be a downer and cause unneeded worry. Been there done that and many of these tips are what helped me to stop!

  35. Ciro

    May 17, 2017 at 5:40 pm

    Sometimes I think that overthinking is closely connected to pessimism. In fact when you overthink you actually run in your head all the parallel realities where things can go wrong!

  36. emily

    May 17, 2017 at 6:40 pm

    I used to be in this situation with my current boyfriend. Thank god we both grew up and settled down since our late teens! Love the post.. definitely a helpful reminder!

  37. Corey | The Nostalgia Diaries

    May 17, 2017 at 7:38 pm

    I’m a huge overthinker so this really spoke to me. I’ll have to try these tips out!

  38. Julie

    May 17, 2017 at 7:49 pm

    I can definitely be an overthinker! Great tips for a relationship. My husband and I always try to take time to ourselves and spend time together!

  39. Danielle

    May 17, 2017 at 10:17 pm

    I often say to my clients, “Don’t overthink it” when they are re-learning how to do something. It is great advice that should be carried into relationships, too. Take it for what it’s worth and move on.

  40. Neely Moldovan

    May 17, 2017 at 10:40 pm

    Thse are all great points .I havent thought about these in a long time being married. Definetely things I should have thought about more when I was younger.

  41. Karla

    May 17, 2017 at 10:42 pm

    I used to overthink relationships. But, now that I’ve been married for 9 years, I probably don’t think about our relationship as much as I should!

  42. Jana Carrero

    May 17, 2017 at 11:18 pm

    My boyfriend and i have been together almost 6 years but there is always room to learn more. Great post!

  43. Alexis @FITnancials

    May 17, 2017 at 11:36 pm

    I used to have a SERIOUS problem with overthinking in relationships. It just went away after a few years. I’m in a relationship now and it’s a rarity when it happens.

  44. Brandy Champeau

    May 17, 2017 at 11:38 pm

    Overthinking is definitely something I struggle with. These were great tips, although I’m not sure I agree with the first one. For me too much free time led to more overthinking.

  45. Heather

    May 18, 2017 at 1:36 am

    I have definitely been guilty of over analyzing things. It’s never a good thing, I agree!

  46. Brandy

    May 18, 2017 at 1:44 am

    I love that you shared this, good to read! I am guilty of over thinking due to anxiety or “that time of the month” when hormones are off. I do the stop, breath ask if this is legit thoughts – as in did anything happen to make me think this way? Usually it’s a no. Then I redirect my mind to what is good in our life and I stay quiet until those thoughts pass so as to not stir up an argument over my over thinking 😉

  47. Haneef

    May 18, 2017 at 2:35 am

    I have severe anxiety disorder so overthinking is like second nature for me! I’m trying really hard to kick the habit and learn to not listen to my head all the time. Thank you for this much needed insight!

  48. Kari

    May 18, 2017 at 2:58 am

    This is a great topic! I do think finding a distraction is key. Before my husband and I got married, I was constantly overthinking about our relationship. When I found something else to occupy my mind, though…it made it much easier to keep it from wandering too far out of control!

  49. Suzie

    May 18, 2017 at 3:56 am

    I love this! Overthinking anything just leads to places that you don’t need to go or worse! Sabotage!

  50. Leah

    May 18, 2017 at 8:43 am

    I know I used to overthink things in my relationship with my then boyfriend, now husband, and it almost split us up. Just don’t sweat the small stuff is the mantra I follow now!

  51. Natalya

    May 18, 2017 at 9:28 am

    I tend to overthink things quite a bit, so I’m glad I came across this…communication is key! Thanks for the tips x

  52. Sarah

    May 18, 2017 at 11:22 am

    This is great advice! I always overthink things and my husband doesn’t. I think he’s happier not worrying about things so much. I don’t worry about our relationship, just eveyelse!

  53. Freya Farrington

    May 18, 2017 at 11:43 am

    It’s so easy to overthink things in a relationship especially for someone like myself who tends to overthink every element of life! At the end of the day, all that matters is realising what’s important in your life and what makes you happy!

  54. RM

    May 18, 2017 at 12:38 pm

    Great advice!! I find this applies to our everyday lives not just relationships…

  55. Nicole Kleiss

    May 18, 2017 at 1:41 pm

    I love these tips! I think free time or alone time is super important in any relationships, even marriages! It helps you keep your identity.
    XOXO Nicole

  56. Brooke B

    May 18, 2017 at 2:53 pm

    I feel like this article must be directed towards me haha. Literally, what I needed to read! Thanks

  57. Tiara Wilson

    May 19, 2017 at 2:04 am

    This is me. I am a huge over thinker when it comes to anything, which means you can only imagine how this affects my relationship with my husband. However, I have been trying to get out of it. <3

  58. Louise

    May 19, 2017 at 2:14 am

    I’m a terrible overthinker and am always trying to talk through problems that aren’t even there half the time with my other half. One day I can see me unintentionally pushing him away :'(

    Louise x

  59. Catvills

    May 20, 2017 at 3:44 am

    My husband always said I am miles ahead thinking about the “what ifs.” I guess sometimes insecurities and anxiety get the better of me. I will try to put your tips into practice. I don’t want to drive the people I love crazy because of my overthinking.

  60. Agnes

    May 20, 2017 at 11:32 am

    I am the queen of overthinking, not so much in my relationship but in my career life. Good to know I am not alone in this. Its something i am working on!

  61. Emily

    June 9, 2017 at 1:47 pm

    Great advice there! Me and my boyfriend have been travelling 8 months together now, always in each others company. I have had to use quite a few of these techniques!!

  62. Dominique

    June 10, 2017 at 5:44 am

    I completely agree that communication is key! So many misunderstandings can be avoided when people just take the time to talk to each other, and be open and honest 😉

  63. Our Family World

    June 11, 2017 at 4:11 am

    My husband and I maintain a healthy relationship because we communicate openly with each other. We may not always agree on things, but if we sit down and talk, everything turns out fine.

  64. Rose Sahetapy

    June 11, 2017 at 2:21 pm

    I agree with you sometimes we need to do something that makes you happy as an individual apart from your relationship withy our love one. It’s a self-contentment that gives positive feedback not only to yourself but also to your partner.

  65. Ahtsham Rana

    June 16, 2017 at 3:43 am

    Hi Elena! Really nice point you brought up here, I am actually a victim of this psyche, I do overthink a lot. But how I try to cope up with it is by thinking about all the positive things that have happened, and stay away from the negative thoughts.

  66. Ankit Agarwal

    June 18, 2017 at 7:45 am

    Overthinking, lack of communication, assumptions and jealousy are the four biggest evils in a relationship. I have seen so many relationships fall because of these. Thanks for these methods, I will surely share them with my friends.

  67. Lindseylondonmumma

    June 20, 2017 at 4:39 am

    I really like this post and it has given me a bit to think about. I’m not in a couple but it can be applied to how I approach things with my daughters father.

  68. DLM Merry

    June 20, 2017 at 3:58 pm

    Overthinking is one of my biggest downfalls when it comes to relationships – this was actually a really interesting and relatable read!

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